In the vastness of the Sydney urban sprawl surrounded by a concrete labyrinth there is a patch of verdant greenery which has become home to a flock of waterfowl from the family Anatidae. Collectively better known as the Sydney Swans, they have fought for and won a small foothold in this harsh landscape in their constant struggle for survival. Mother Nature ensures that it is not a peaceful existence with regular attacks from Sea Eagles, Roosters, Bulldogs and even Eels who would gladly dislodge them from their nest: these Swans must be ever vigilant.
But come the winter months, these Swans must make repeated migrations to southern climes to locate and collect the points so vital for their ongoing prosperity. This very week finds these graceful creatures preparing for their arduous journey to the bay of Corio in Victoria. Corio bay, home to a remarkable collection of animals, most notably the Geelong Cat, a powerful adversary and ferocious defender of its territory.
Come 7.50 this evening, these foes will be locked in battle for over two hours with the victor emerging with all four of these cherished points.
Watch now as the alpha males from each side stare each other down before this heated and bizarre dance begins. Both fine specimens and each resplendent in their own plumage: the Swan in his red and white with 23 on his back, and the Cat covered in his usual blue and white hoops bearing a 26.
In the usual pre-cursor to battle, needling commences with vocal barbs traded to gain the initial ascendancy. The Swan leans in towards the Cat and squawks “Our record this year is an impressive ten wins and four losses, what meagre record does your side boast?”
Not enjoying this David Attenboroughesque narration, the large Cat diverges into something he is more comfortable with, namely the 1977 action, comedy movie Smokey and the Bandit, and answers in kind. “That’s a 10-4, good Buddy.”
The Swan, unsure what to make of this, glowers at the Cat and squawks again, this time in confusion.
The Cat responds, “Mercy sakes alive, back ‘em up there amigo, you’d better back off the hammer or there’ll be a 10-33 and you’ll be going horizontal in the back of a meat wagon. Best you hightail it back to your home port and I’ll catch you on the flip-flop.”
Well. That changed quickly.
Looks like we’ve got ourselves a convoy.